Hollywood has done it again - and this time it's been done with gusto.
That's right: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire has been taking America by storm, ravaging respectable movie theatres until they resemble nothing more than cheap daycare facilities with vomit and pee indelibly tattooed on the maroon carpets.
A fun night at the movies has been turned into a night of screaming babies, fidgety toddlers, and an excuse for 12 year olds to date, while their parents chaperone/chain smoke in the foyer.
So is the new Harry Potter worth the suffering? The answer: a resounding yes, followed by a "well, on second thought..."
While the movie does delve into the darker side of teen wizardry (Harry shows hints of developing a drug problem, and Hermione is well on the way to becoming a pregnant highschool drop-out), it continually lapses back into shallow stereotyping of the Wizard world. The black pointy hats, the long white beards, and the predictable giants all leave a little to be desired.
While the snappy special effects and hipster music do their part to redeem what is lacking in dialogue and plot, this Potter flick is ultimately just a sad attempt at making Wizardry cool again. Let's face it people: Gandalf, Dumbledore, and their Wizard cronies are on their way out, and there's nothing we can do about it.
So go America, stand in line for hours, sit behind a tall guy with a fro, and suffer through the incessant whinings of your neighborhood's children: because if I had to suffer through this, then so should you.
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