Finally

It's safe to say that I have been anxiously awaiting an invitation to join this mythical and revered group of bloggers. After mainly sleepless nights checking my inbox over and over for that coveted email, I had begun to slip into despair. I stopped eating, reading, peri-care, I was a wreck. My parents were even openly ridiculing me at family events and calling me "the stupid one" and "the mistake". But on this glorious night I feel as one reborn. I have received the invitation, the golden ticket that will allow me into the clandestine land of chocolate rivers, oompa loompas, and snozzberries. This is better than the time my name appeared, albeit mistakenly, in the Barometer as one of the lucky men invited to the Alpha Gamma Delta barn dance.
Some of you may question what I have to bring to the group, thinking that all I do is stare lustily into mouths all day and that teeth consume my every waking thought. All that I can say is that just as there was more to our friend JC than hammering nails into boards and cutting a sweet dove tail joint, I'm more than a fluoride pushing, amalgam packing robot. Keep it real people.

In Bondage over Of Human Bondage?

I apologize for the tardiness of this post- it has been long promised, but only now realized. Joel, and any of you who have not read Of Human Bondage, you may want to skip this post. Many of my thoughts concerning Of Human Bondage have faded with time, and my fresh dislike of the book has dulled as well. I think I have begun to appreciate Mr. Maugham's eloquent articulation of his worldview.

Philip, when he at last captures the meaning of the Persian rug, discovers that "Life had no meaning. . . Philip exulted, as he had exulted in his boyhood when the weight of a belief in God was lifted from his shoulders; it seemed to him that the last burden of responsibility was taken from him; and for the first time he was utterly free. His insignificance was turned to power, and he felt himself suddenly equal with the cruel fate which had seemed to persecute him; for if life was meaningless, the world was robbed of its cruelty." Maugham seems to write a story consistent to this worldview- Philip's life is pretty hopeless and cruel. It is only after Philip realizes this that he is able to be happy. Unfortunately, it takes a while for him to come to this revelation, and we have to read about him making a lot of stupid mistakes in the meantime.

Throughout the entire story, I was hoping Philip would begin to be reasonable and see the logic in the Christian worldview that permeates his life. I see now that was a little naive. I was hoping somehow that he would be able to redeem some of the poor choices he had made in his life, and that he would become a more attractive person. And while he was making better choices near the end of the book, he didn't change enough to satisfy me. But I now realize that even though I disliked Philip as a person, it doesn't mean I should dismiss the entire book. Perhaps the next time I read a novel by Mr. Maugham, I'll be better prepared for his depressing view of the world and I'll be able to appreciate his talent as a writer.

A Private Cleaning

This post contains explicit content, parental discretion is advised (unless your parent is also my parent... then don't worry about it)

"Today we're practicing peri-care" says Lynda with a smirk. Everyone in the class laughs, I laugh too but I'm not sure at what. Lynda opens the locked cupboard and reaches for something in the back. My lingering smile turns to astonishment as I realize what she has. I can't believe she is holding a fake vagina in her hand! She sets it down and reaches again... I can't look for fear of what is to come! The next thing I know Lynda is prying my hands from my eyes. "Jackie! It's just a wash rag... but what you fear comes tomorrow." The entire class erupts with laughter. I run out of the room. I guess I'm not cut out to clean elderly private parts... I'm off to find another career!

Grand Poobah of What?

For nearly three hours they processed and danced round me in their varicolored robes - their hoods flowing from their shoulders, marking them out against the victims, of whom I was only one out of many. They were neither fit nor weak, fair nor foul, but they had us under their thumb, as it would seem.

A large fat one, in black and red vestments taunted us with long, degrading speeches regarding monkeys and snakes - why? I don't know. But, the crowds cheered, as if the beasts in the coliseum had just made the first kill, and the fresh blood had drizzled down anxious jaws meeting immortal dust.

"How long?" I mused, "Will their incessant intimidation never cease?" They marched us in, will they march us out?

Where is the document they said would grant me my freedom? Is it a myth - perhaps a cruel trick to keep me sitting in this wretched, skin-scathing sun.

It matters not a wit - my will to live under their rule is crushed. My spirit tamed; my hopes dashed; my love taken from me.

Thus, I process, a robed and tasseled fool, a wayward wanderer.

The Deep

The sky is gray
The sky is cloudy
Rain falls
Wind blows
I am at work